A Calculated Retreat or a Leap Towards the Unknown

I'm at a crossroad, not knowing what the future holds yet desperately trying to act as if nothing can faze me.

Settling in a different country has its own pros and cons. Depending on the timing, it can become a blessed turn of events or a regretful decision. Apparently, I am stuck at the middle. On the one hand, my age gives me ample time to experience life at a country that have more opportunities. Yet on the other, my accomplishments are not recognized. Which means either I wasted years of my life which will simply occupy 2 lines in my resume or I put all hope into thinking that somewhere in this first-world country, a chance will magically create a chance to show what I got.

Of course the most obvious choice is the one that moves towards the future, and yet the biggest hindrance would not be the deficiencies but the fear of failing. Oh kakorrhaphiophobia, why do you have to exist?

I guess I'm just afraid to pin all hope into a single course of action and see myself fail. In my life, either I get what I wanted or I don't hope that much. Disappointment is a hard feeling to get over. I've never been heart broken so I have no comparison.

Sooner or later, I need to face the truth, swallow my fear and just jump. Regardless of what is the outcome, whether it be spikes and swords of a comfy foam. But as of now, I'm still sheltering my fear.

PS: Living in a country with cold climate combined with cloudy weather and dark skies does not help.