A CAC triggered an involuntary, or more appropriately, unwanted growth spur in my delicate and slow maturity. Knowing that eventually, all these will lead to something greater, I feel contented with where I am right now... then CAC!
I guess it will one of those moments where I would look back and say to myself, this was an important time of my life. This is where revolution started. As all triggers are, temporary, instantaneous, so will CAC be; a force that pushed me into the next step without any regard to my preferred pace.
Nonetheless, I am grateful. Who would have thought that a mere CAC can do all these things. Though I wish the next time this happens, it will be less of a trigger and more of a tug.
PS: The saying "Ignorance is bliss" is so true. Trust me.
PS(2): New laptop in 2 weeks = Stracraft 2. Woohoo!!!
24 August 2010
01 July 2010
How many months...?
It has been quite a while since I posted something new. I was not that busy. I even had the time to watch and finished a lot of old series and animes. I guess I just loss the interest to blog. Maybe I'll just pop in every now and then just to reminisce on my old, childish endeavor.
PS: Ever been in a situation where there are too much stuff to think that you give up analyzing probable solutions to all possibilities and just let tomorrow unfolds?
PS: Ever been in a situation where there are too much stuff to think that you give up analyzing probable solutions to all possibilities and just let tomorrow unfolds?
18 November 2009
A Calculated Retreat or a Leap Towards the Unknown
I'm at a crossroad, not knowing what the future holds yet desperately trying to act as if nothing can faze me.
Settling in a different country has its own pros and cons. Depending on the timing, it can become a blessed turn of events or a regretful decision. Apparently, I am stuck at the middle. On the one hand, my age gives me ample time to experience life at a country that have more opportunities. Yet on the other, my accomplishments are not recognized. Which means either I wasted years of my life which will simply occupy 2 lines in my resume or I put all hope into thinking that somewhere in this first-world country, a chance will magically create a chance to show what I got.
Of course the most obvious choice is the one that moves towards the future, and yet the biggest hindrance would not be the deficiencies but the fear of failing. Oh kakorrhaphiophobia, why do you have to exist?
I guess I'm just afraid to pin all hope into a single course of action and see myself fail. In my life, either I get what I wanted or I don't hope that much. Disappointment is a hard feeling to get over. I've never been heart broken so I have no comparison.
Sooner or later, I need to face the truth, swallow my fear and just jump. Regardless of what is the outcome, whether it be spikes and swords of a comfy foam. But as of now, I'm still sheltering my fear.
PS: Living in a country with cold climate combined with cloudy weather and dark skies does not help.
Settling in a different country has its own pros and cons. Depending on the timing, it can become a blessed turn of events or a regretful decision. Apparently, I am stuck at the middle. On the one hand, my age gives me ample time to experience life at a country that have more opportunities. Yet on the other, my accomplishments are not recognized. Which means either I wasted years of my life which will simply occupy 2 lines in my resume or I put all hope into thinking that somewhere in this first-world country, a chance will magically create a chance to show what I got.
Of course the most obvious choice is the one that moves towards the future, and yet the biggest hindrance would not be the deficiencies but the fear of failing. Oh kakorrhaphiophobia, why do you have to exist?
I guess I'm just afraid to pin all hope into a single course of action and see myself fail. In my life, either I get what I wanted or I don't hope that much. Disappointment is a hard feeling to get over. I've never been heart broken so I have no comparison.
Sooner or later, I need to face the truth, swallow my fear and just jump. Regardless of what is the outcome, whether it be spikes and swords of a comfy foam. But as of now, I'm still sheltering my fear.
PS: Living in a country with cold climate combined with cloudy weather and dark skies does not help.
12 September 2009
A Methaphorical Circumcision
It has been a while since I had the time or the energy to post something new. I been living in a colder country for at least a month now. Somehow, I still haven't get it together. It was my hope that a new environment would, in one way or the other, stir up my inner bum and push me away from the soft and warm embrace of my bed. Still nothing...
Like the rest of the cultured humans, I also wanted most, if not all, of the normal things bachelors dreams of. A grumpy old boss, friends with which you can bitch about your boss, and a love that awaits you after a 10-hour meeting with old grumpy.
In 4 days, I will be interviewed for a job that I am assured to get. The details are irrelevant, but know this, it will mark the day of my adulthood. I never actually considered myself an adult. Let us just say, my parents, never treated me as such but come Sept 22, this boy will be metaphorically circumcised.
So, back to the present, I have no concrete plan as of now. Although it is crystal clear what things should I do: Job1, Job2, and Study. There is no specific time frame as of now. However, ideally, at least one job is a full time job in my chosen field, a part time job that address my weaknesses, while getting my grad degree.
Easier said than done. I know. Just regularly waking up before 8 is a great tribulation, how much more doing 3 things that requires 100% of one's effort. There is a big possibility that I won't be able to do all these things. But hey, if I'm going to set my goals, I'm going to put it way up there.
PS: Best wishes to my cousin who just got married last Sept 9.
Like the rest of the cultured humans, I also wanted most, if not all, of the normal things bachelors dreams of. A grumpy old boss, friends with which you can bitch about your boss, and a love that awaits you after a 10-hour meeting with old grumpy.
In 4 days, I will be interviewed for a job that I am assured to get. The details are irrelevant, but know this, it will mark the day of my adulthood. I never actually considered myself an adult. Let us just say, my parents, never treated me as such but come Sept 22, this boy will be metaphorically circumcised.
So, back to the present, I have no concrete plan as of now. Although it is crystal clear what things should I do: Job1, Job2, and Study. There is no specific time frame as of now. However, ideally, at least one job is a full time job in my chosen field, a part time job that address my weaknesses, while getting my grad degree.
Easier said than done. I know. Just regularly waking up before 8 is a great tribulation, how much more doing 3 things that requires 100% of one's effort. There is a big possibility that I won't be able to do all these things. But hey, if I'm going to set my goals, I'm going to put it way up there.
PS: Best wishes to my cousin who just got married last Sept 9.
29 July 2009
Small and Seemingly Unimportant Events
In less than two weeks, I will be leaving what I considered home for the past 20+ years. As I start packing my things into bags and boxes, small and seemingly unimportant events keep flashing on my mind. I remembered how I spent the entire afternoon living in a fantasy world with my Lego, or my first set of Magic the Gathering cards. Just holding my high school year book brings back the 1-hour-before-test reviews. Even the books that I bought but was seldom used. Nostalgia is a powerful feeling.
It took more than an hour to pack just one box. When I was born, I only have one thing: my birth certificate. As time goes by, I seem to accumulate more and more things. Some may be regarded as strict requirements in life, like educational certificates and work permits while others are just plain trash. Now, I am cluttered with things I can do without yet chooses not to discard.
While writing this post, I realized that I never thought about the big events in my life. Graduations and birthdays were nonexistent during my reminiscing moments. This came as a surprise knowing that humans tend to focus on bigger and grander events. I have this tendency of defining people based on their great accomplishments. Now I know I am wrong.
Life is not just about the awards or the books, or the toys. Nor is it about birthdays, graduations or wedding ceremony/ies. Life is composed of small and seemingly unimportant events that happens unconsciously. A digital image is made up of hundreds and thousands of pixels. Individually, these pixels can be created without changing the overall impression of the image and yet these small dots define who we are.
Pixlyfing, creating a digital image of life one pixel at a time. A made up word that is appropriate for this post. It is a life long process that involves time, patience, a fast system and a big memory.
It is not an easy task considering how imperfect humans are. Some pixels may not come out as planned but eventually, as youth turns to maturity, when a higher perspective is reach, a beautiful picture will be painted.
PS: But right now, I'm still pissed at some of my pixels.
It took more than an hour to pack just one box. When I was born, I only have one thing: my birth certificate. As time goes by, I seem to accumulate more and more things. Some may be regarded as strict requirements in life, like educational certificates and work permits while others are just plain trash. Now, I am cluttered with things I can do without yet chooses not to discard.
While writing this post, I realized that I never thought about the big events in my life. Graduations and birthdays were nonexistent during my reminiscing moments. This came as a surprise knowing that humans tend to focus on bigger and grander events. I have this tendency of defining people based on their great accomplishments. Now I know I am wrong.
Life is not just about the awards or the books, or the toys. Nor is it about birthdays, graduations or wedding ceremony/ies. Life is composed of small and seemingly unimportant events that happens unconsciously. A digital image is made up of hundreds and thousands of pixels. Individually, these pixels can be created without changing the overall impression of the image and yet these small dots define who we are.
Pixlyfing, creating a digital image of life one pixel at a time. A made up word that is appropriate for this post. It is a life long process that involves time, patience, a fast system and a big memory.
It is not an easy task considering how imperfect humans are. Some pixels may not come out as planned but eventually, as youth turns to maturity, when a higher perspective is reach, a beautiful picture will be painted.
PS: But right now, I'm still pissed at some of my pixels.
24 July 2009
The Anonymous and the Famous
The reason I started this blog in the first place is to write anything and everything that I think and feel without worrying about what people, who knows me, would think. And instead of keeping a journal, I opted to utilize 21st century technology.
A couple of days ago, I fed the RSS feed of this blog into my newly created Facebook account. Now, this totally defeats my initial purpose. It took about a week to finally sever the link bridging my no-holds-bar world into my present reality. During those times, I merely privitized my notes, and deleted any notification Facebook publish. The reason it took me that long can be attributed to the sudden connection to long friends and different addictive games.
And just to be sure that whatever I write here will not automatically show up on my Facebook account, I wrote this post.
A couple of days ago, I fed the RSS feed of this blog into my newly created Facebook account. Now, this totally defeats my initial purpose. It took about a week to finally sever the link bridging my no-holds-bar world into my present reality. During those times, I merely privitized my notes, and deleted any notification Facebook publish. The reason it took me that long can be attributed to the sudden connection to long friends and different addictive games.
And just to be sure that whatever I write here will not automatically show up on my Facebook account, I wrote this post.
18 July 2009
Graduation Day
Finally, after long years of coffee-enhanced consciousness and drenching on stress of school requirements and examinations, I'm finally finished. Today was my graduation. At first, I plan on treating the supposedly overrated occasion just like any other day. For someone who avoids celebrating one's birthday, this should be easy. Besides, I felt neither a small ounce of joy nor and shred of satisfaction I graduated from high school.
But I felt obligated to involve myself. For one thing, my parents, particularly my mom, wanted me to go. Probably, the reason why she is adamant about this is because she was not able to join her graduation. She always say that it is part of the college experience. It will be a big lost on my part, something that I may never get back. My I-don't-give-a-damn facade will be put to another test.
Along the ceremony, I somehow felt the graduation spirit enveloping me, gradually turning me into a cap-throwing graduate. I do not know what or who caused it; perhaps it was the speech of one of the graduates, the mere fact that my family is watching me, or just the environment I was in. The bottom line, I feel overjoyed.
As I write this, I continually have flashes of my college years like the first time I failed an exam to my first 4.0 grade. It has been a fun and fulfilling experience.
But I felt obligated to involve myself. For one thing, my parents, particularly my mom, wanted me to go. Probably, the reason why she is adamant about this is because she was not able to join her graduation. She always say that it is part of the college experience. It will be a big lost on my part, something that I may never get back. My I-don't-give-a-damn facade will be put to another test.
Along the ceremony, I somehow felt the graduation spirit enveloping me, gradually turning me into a cap-throwing graduate. I do not know what or who caused it; perhaps it was the speech of one of the graduates, the mere fact that my family is watching me, or just the environment I was in. The bottom line, I feel overjoyed.
As I write this, I continually have flashes of my college years like the first time I failed an exam to my first 4.0 grade. It has been a fun and fulfilling experience.
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